Puns

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A woman had twins and gave them up for adoption. One of them went to a family in Egypt and was named Ahmal. The other went to a family in Spain; they named him Juan. Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband then replied, “Honey, they’re twins; if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

There was this guy who thought himself to be a great punster. He entered a pun contest, sure that at least one of his ten submitted puns would win first place. He was wrong. No pun in ten did.

Pepe-Food

Two skunks were walking through the woods. One says to the other, “My instincts tell me its going to rain.” The other skunk replies, “That’s funny, my end stinks, and it don’t tell me nothing!”

Did you hear about the two silk worms who were in a race? They ended up in a tie. 

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: “You hang out here; I’ll go on a head.’”

A Compendium of Conpundiums

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, UCLA.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run, you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

I didn’t know where the sun went at night, so I stayed up thinking about it until it dawned on me.

Clones are people, two

Eschew obfuscation

Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy

I use to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not sure

Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery

Boycott shampoo… Demand REAL poo!

IRS – Be audit you can be.

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